I need to have a conversation with food about this

One of the many things about being (briefly) pregnant that I found mind boggling, (ONE of the MANY), was how my relationship with food changed.

Our first hint that something might be *different* about me? We were out to dinner at our favorite Korean place, and Vinny said he noticed that rather than slowing down as I got full, I hit a dead stop - practically pushed myself away from the table.

We were at a movie screening a few weeks later, and he asked me if I wanted something from the concession stand. I looked at the candy displayed in front of me, and it all looked like colorful plastic. Completely inedible. I declined. As we stepped up to the counter, I suddenly said, "Grape Juice! I want Grape Juice!" Vinny looked at me like I had 12 heads. I am not a juice drinker. We found our seats and I drank my juice, exclaiming all the while, "This is DELICIOUS! Why don't I order grape juice more often?" Vinny just considered me for a bit, then said, "It's weird how there's somebody else controlling you now."

The experience taught me in no uncertain terms that in situations like this, You Are Not In Charge. Any intentions I had -- good or bad, were blown out of the water. Mother Nature laughed in my face.

I had a package of cookies from Japan that I was saving. My promise to myself was that I was going to open them up when I found out I was pregnant, and treat myself to one or two. Which I did. I treated myself to one. And it tasted so disgusting to me, I spit it out. Bad Intention: PWND. I intended to eat healthy. I wasn't going to deny myself treats here and there, but, since "Eating for Two" really only means adding another 300 or so calories to your daily intake, I vowed to continue eating the way I eat regularly, which is pretty healthy - and not use the pregnancy as a free pass to Pieville. Good Intentions: PWND. I was so nauseated all the time, that I could barely keep anything down. So much for my plans. Life became a big game of "please let me be able to eat this, whatever it may be." Believe me, that changed from day to day.

Naturally, after I had the miscarriage, I finished that package of Japanese cookies, and went ahead and cashed in on a week's pass to Pieville. There was a drive-by coffee cake encounter somewhere in there as well, but it's kind of hazy.