I need to have a conversation with food about this

Deep in the recesses of what I call a brain, I am always thinking of certain foods that I have had at local restaurants and plotting as to when I can have them again. The current items for the Los Angeles area are as follows:

Blueberry Flaxseed Pancakes at Doughboys on Third Street.

Seriously. I am even willing to submit myself to the torture of going on a WEEKEND - which means waiting in the long line for a table, hoping that you don't get a table outside where the vultures waiting in the long line can judge you on how fast you eat your food and suffering through the moronic "morning after" conversations of tragically L.A. hip boys and girls in funky tees, trucker hats and NARC sunglasses or halter dresses with cowboy boots. ALL WITH NO COFFEE IN ME. I REPEAT. NO. COFFEE HAS BEEN ADMINISTERED, NOT EVEN FOR SAFETY'S SAKE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.

The Portobello Mushroom and Vermont Cheddar Burger at Lucky Devil's on Hollywood Boulevard.

I pulled the waitress aside and said to her, "Look, I have had a LOT of burgers in my life, and this one is seriously one of the best burgers I have ever eaten." She was nonplussed, gave a hint of a smile and said, "Yeah, we get that a lot."

The Apricot Pinwheel at Some Crust Bakery near Clairemont College in Pomona.

I've said it before and will say it again. I would like to fuck the shit out of this pastry. Crowded House is playing in Pomona next week. Who needs Durand-Durand and his excessive machine? Not me. Apparently, I'll always have Pomona.

Tagliata with Arugula at Piccolo

The name is apropos. There are only 10 tables in this restaurant, max. I have never had any other entree. I am stuck on this one.

The grilled salmon caesar salad at Newsroom

The problem with obtaining this item is that Newsroom Cafe is located on Robertson Boulevard just across from the Ivy and down the street from Kitson. Which means that you are taking your life into your hands by patronizing the restaurant, since Lindsey Lohan and others of her ilk could "bang a fuckin' U-ee" at any moment.

The Carol C. at Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles

Succulent chicken breast with a waffle. Faster than Fast Food if you do take out. Eat in with mac & yak plus lemonade, bien sur.

"Lupe" Roll at California Roll and Sushi Factory

Avocado roll topped with warm crabmeat, sauteed baby scallops, smelt eggs and eel sauce. It's messy and wonderful. Get your own, I can eat this whole thing. And I will stab your hand with my chopsticks if you try and yoink a baby scallop from me. NO JOKE. GET YOUR OWN.