I need to have a conversation with food about this

I had one too many tacos for dinner tonight and now my stomach hurts. Three is fine, four is too many. But they were delicious, so it was hard to resist another one.

I have never taken antacids or anything like that. My theory is, you should suffer a little for overindulging and not be a pansy about it.

Here is a quotation from Jim Gaffigan, who cracks me up (he talks a lot about food!):

We're never satisfied when it comes to food. "You know what would be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let's use two doughnuts! That way we can have it for breakfast." Look out McGriddle, here comes the Doughnut Ham Hamburger!

Dear Bacon Egg and Cheese on a Roll.

I am sorry that I left you out of my JAG: NYC entry.

I hope you can forgive me.

This was a great food weekend.

Friday night we went to Chosun Galben with Morgan and her brother for Korean BBQ



and soju!



Sasturday was an impromptu trip to doughboys. (Okay, I *may* have manipulated things a bit but I plead the 5th)

I decided to get something different and boy did it ever pay off:

Onion soup with goat cheese salad:



And in all seriousness, the best lemon bar I have EVER had. I do not kid about shit like this.



All brought to us by the fabulous Jennifer! who we loved long before she let us take this picture.



I don't know if she actually legally has the exclamation point after her name, but that's how it looks in my head.

I am going back to NYC next week. Dork that I am, I've been making a list of restaurants that I would like to go to while I am there, and specific things that I will hopefully be eating at these fine places. It's by no means a compendium of the best food to have in Manhattan, or that I've had in NY. It's mostly my version of comfort food and a reflection of my longing for home.

The Corner Bistro with Follow-up Visit to Magnolia Bakery

Or: The Heart attack special. Cheeseburger, lot of pickles, French Fries and then pop around the corner for a vanilla vanilla cupcake with sprinkles. Maybe take some home for breakfast.

Balthazar

Carmelized Goat Cheese Tart to start and then Steak Frites. Lots of Red Wine and Mirabelle as a digestive.

Pearl Oyster Bar

The Lobster Roll. Though, I hear through the grapevine that since they expanded the space, the Lobster Rolls just aren't as good as they used to be. That would be a terrible tragedy.

Pret A Manger

Not as good as in England, but still pretty good for a quick sandwich. I am trying to figure out my schedule in such a way that I can get one for the plane ride home. Super Club or Coronation Chicken.

Totonno's

Sign on the door - "Only God makes Better Pizzas" There are all kinds of good parlours in NY but this was around the corner from my old apartment, so it's a sentimental thing more than anything else. I'd be happy at John's or Patsy's or even Famous Original Ray's. The actual original one.

La Caridad

The Latin food in L.A. is to die for - but I miss China-Latina on a weekly basis. Cuban food served by Chinese waiters, I survived on rice and beans from here - platanos maduros when I had more money, and when I was rolling in dough - pepper steak. Sawdust on the floor, no ambience, paper placemats with a map of Cuba on them - my family is fond of dives with good food, and once when my mother visited I took her to La Caridad. When we walked in the door, she gripped my arm and whispered loudly in my ear "This is a GOOD place".

Il Fornaio

I found this place when I was a teenager, not even living in the city - just visiting family and going off on my own. I had a calzone there that blew me away - calzone and a pepsi for 5$ including tip. There is a lot of good food in Little Italy (and there are a lot of places that are overrated) but this place has always been one of my favorites. I would walk there during the long lunch breaks they gave us on Jury Duty and have my lunch, then go have cappucine with Frank who owns La Bella Ferrara. When times were tough for me, I remember he offered me a waitressing job. I didn't take the job, but I never forgot how kind that was.

Dallas BBQ

Also known as BBQ's. The chain covers 4 corners - W 72, E73, W. 8 E 8 (St. Marks) I've had better barbeque in my life, but my god, the cornbread is just like cake. This was a big splurge for me when I was in acting school, and we would go to the lower east side restaurant in packs.

The Deli that is just above the North East corner on Amsterdam and 79th Street

I just need to see if they still sell those "dinosaur" cookies. The fact that I am obsessed with shrink wrapped iced sugar or gingerbread cookies is an entry to be saved for another time. I would walk the extra block to catch the M79 on Amsterdam instead of Broadway to see if they had any in stock. If they did, I bought a bunch of them and said they were for the kids I babysat. HAHA THEY WEREN'T !! I FOOLED YOU ALL. I need to see if they were as good as I remember them.

T-Salon

Rather than having a cup of Tibetan Tiger at Tabla, I will just skip the middle man and go to T Salon on 20th and buy it for myself.

H&H Bagels or Ess A Bagel

Anything that's warm. When I lived at the Salvation Army Home For Women on Gramercy Park South, I used to walk over to Ess A Bagel and buy a couple bagels. They were cheap and filling - and warm enough that I could tuck a bag of two in my coat to keep me warm, and eat one while I braved the freezing cold wind back to the place that is "dedicated to the girl away from home."

Sushi Samba

I've had some of the best sushi EVER in Los Angeles, not to mention friggin' Tokyo - but the thing I miss from Sushi Samba is the sweet ice tea and the ceviche.

I'm sure there's more. I'll never be able to fit it all in - and now I am shooting new headshots with my favorite photographer the Saturday I am there - which, sadly throws a wrench in my unbridled eating plans. Saturday night though... well, it IS the city that never sleeps. I can have dinner 3 times if I get an early start.

Recently, I shared a meal with a group of people that I didn't really know all that well. Two of them were the acquaintances that had invited me - the others I met for the first time as we sat down in the restaurant. The restaurant was Doughboys here in L.A. and if you aren't familiar with it, all you need to know is this - Holy Shit: Good. Doughboys is hearty calorie laden food, and their baked goods are pretty phenomenal. For example, they have an item on the menu which is a sandwich that has peanut butter, bananas, and chocolate placed on pan de mie bread baked on premises that is then dipped in egg batter, grilled and served with a raspberry dipping sauce. For the savory folks: The Morning Pizza has a fresh baked crust with emmanthal cheese, pancetta, caramelized onions and 2 eggs all baked on top. I swear to God, my heart just slowed down while typing that out. Oh, um, they have salads too, but they serve it with home made foccacia with cheese baked on top. Cause, ya know.

So there we all were, starving, and basically wanting everything on the menu, so we ordered a bunch of different things and shared. And we were really EATING - as in just scarfing this food down like we were never going to eat again and talking and laughing and really enjoying ourselves. One of the women there, one that I did not know, suddenly took advantage of a pause to say, "Wow, girls, this is a real PIG OUT! We are PIGGING OUT! I mean, I didn't know that when we were going to do this, that it was going to be a PIG OUT."

and I thought, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS.", but that's just me.

the odd thing being that she had ordered half a salad and didn't touch it.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how people eat or don't eat, and since we've just started this here blog about relationships with food, I thought I might try my hand at breaking down some of the types that I have witnessed. These kind of types, in my opinion, transcend being a vegetarian, vegan, or omnivore. It's not about what you eat, it's how you relate to the food at hand. It's not definitive, no names are mentioned (including my own), the examples and quotes for the most part are real, and of course there will be crossover within categories, but here we go...

THE FLAGELLANT

I confess to you Almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters...

It's as though somehow the act of contrition or the acknowledgement of sins while eating will negate any calories consumed. To wit:

"I shouldn't be eating this"
"I never eat stuff like this"
"I won't eat dinner tonight"
"I'll go to the gym tomorrow"
"This is sooo bad for me"
"We are being little piggies, aren't we?"

THE ACTRESS

Don't let the name fool you - it has no relation to the vocation of the individual that fits in this category. The "actress" plays the part of the big eater, the food enthusiast, the carbohydrate pleasure monger, the chocolate whore. Why, she's one of the girls, and she thinks she has everyone convinced that she loves a good cupcake or 4 as much as anyone else! She LOVES to talk about how much she loves "food", and at a dinner, buffet or party, will fill her plate with yummy things, giggling about how EXCITED she is to be chowing down. She might even TAKE A BITE and tell you how DELICIOUS it all is.

However, if you watch carefully, she's not eating any of it. She's too "engaged" in a conversation, or she's feeding it to her boyfriend/spouse in a lovey dovey manner till her plate is clean, or, you know, too busy drinking wine to exchange the glass for a fork. "Oh! This is my SECOND plate" she says coyly, "You didn't SEE what I already ate!" - and of course there is always the imaginary giant repast of the -- er - past. "I had SO much for lunch! It was GROSS!".

She'll rhapsodize over pastries with other women, whisper with them conspiratatorally about the candy bars she can't resist, draw them deep into discussion about which ice cream flavor is her most favoritist, and then sit and drink water while everyone else is chowing down at the BR31. Because, you know, she already ATE before she got there.

THE MACHO

Arguably this one is feminine only. The macho eater reacts to the way women are "supposed to eat". She's the one at the table with the salad eaters (no croutons, dressing on the side please!) that, when it comes her turn to order, can be heard saying, "I'll have a cheeseburger, fries and a coke, no, not a diet coke, I said a COKE... actually, could you make that a milkshake?". It's important to her that she be set apart from the bird girls by her shocking consumption of calories. Yes, she's going to finish that, don't even bother asking - even if it's your first date. Maybe she's working out like a fiend, maybe she's watching her calories in the privacy of her own home, or maybe she's eating like that at home too - but no matter what, in public it's always, "Yes, please bring us the dessert menu"

THE SHAMAN

"You probably need to eat something," the baker said. "I hope you'll eat some of my hot rolls. You have to eat and keep going. Eating is a small, good thing in a time like this," he said.

He served them warm cinnamon rolls just out of the oven, the icing still runny. He put butter on the table and knives to spread the butter. Then the baker sat down at the table with them. He waited. He waited until they each took a roll from the platter and began to eat. "It's good to eat something," he said, watching them. "There's more. Eat up. Eat all you want. There's all the rolls in the world in here." -- Raymond Carver

"Eat this, It'll make you feel better." Food is medicine to be administered, it heals and helps and nurtures. This is the cook who knows just what will ease the pain. A hot meal, a quick snack, a batch of cookies. Any time, day or night, the diner is always open, the doctor is always in. We don't have to talk about it or deal with it. Mangia.

More to come. Stay Tuned. Cause, er, yeah, we sit around tuning in web pages on our compoohtohrs.

I'm not getting pancakes today, so I'm pretty angry―especially since it's partially my fault.

Anything that resembles anything good for you does not belong in my cookies or in my pastry.

If those cookies didn't want to be eaten, then they would have yelled for help. THAT is the reason why I was able to finish off the whole package.

I keep doing this. Why do I do this? I spend money on groceries. I spend ungodly amounts of time in the produce aisle, selecting the most perfect pepper, the ripest tomato, the unblemished cauliflower.

Then I come home and put them in the crisper drawer and leave them there to rot.

I just cleaned out my fridge. Threw away a full baggie of bell peppers I actually took the time to slice up so they'd be ready for salads and fajitas. Orange, red, yellow, and green peppers. Gorgeous! Expensive! All that effort, and then I let them go moldy in the bag. Why?

I also threw out:

• a never-opened container of Trader Joe's roasted red pepper hummus, expiration date March 5th;
• half a carton of lovely grape tomatoes;
• oh, also some grapes;
• a bunch of asparagus;
• a package of bacon the color of asparagus;
• some Swiss cheese, also green;
• half a can of artichoke hearts I meant to put on a salad;
• six beautiful Easter eggs (don't tell the kids); and
• half a package of prosciutto—prosciutto, for God's sake!

I am like the Lady Bountiful of landfills. What is wrong with me? I should just start throwing the money directly into the trash can and cut out the 40 degree middleman.

You know what? I never noticed, and so It didn't used to bother me until hmrpita pointed out that it's redundant and moronic to call a mocha either a "chocolate mocha" or a "mocha coffee".

DIDN'T USED TO.

hmrpita: helping find things to piss you off since nineteen something or other. I can't really remember when.

MONKEY MINTS!

That is all. Carry on.

I am very hungry, for some reason. I have my suspicions about what that reason is, but that is neither here nor there.

I am going to have an early dinner. This is the menu:

*drumroll please*

TACOS

Rather than using meat, Tony makes the filling with garden burger, which works out swimmingly, believe it or not. It also includes: zesty beans, onion, mexi-corn, red jalapeño peppers, and taco seasoning.

So, anyway, we have leftover filling just sitting there in the ice box, doing nothing. Well, it actually IS doing something--it is taunting me. I will show it who is in charge around here (me, that's who). And I might SOUND rather crazy, but it is the hunger talking. It is so blabby, that hunger. Time to stuff its face and shut it up.

P.S. I like to heat up the taco shells in a little oven so they get warm and nicely crunchy--not hard. So. Good.

Deep in the recesses of what I call a brain, I am always thinking of certain foods that I have had at local restaurants and plotting as to when I can have them again. The current items for the Los Angeles area are as follows:

Blueberry Flaxseed Pancakes at Doughboys on Third Street.

Seriously. I am even willing to submit myself to the torture of going on a WEEKEND - which means waiting in the long line for a table, hoping that you don't get a table outside where the vultures waiting in the long line can judge you on how fast you eat your food and suffering through the moronic "morning after" conversations of tragically L.A. hip boys and girls in funky tees, trucker hats and NARC sunglasses or halter dresses with cowboy boots. ALL WITH NO COFFEE IN ME. I REPEAT. NO. COFFEE HAS BEEN ADMINISTERED, NOT EVEN FOR SAFETY'S SAKE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.

The Portobello Mushroom and Vermont Cheddar Burger at Lucky Devil's on Hollywood Boulevard.

I pulled the waitress aside and said to her, "Look, I have had a LOT of burgers in my life, and this one is seriously one of the best burgers I have ever eaten." She was nonplussed, gave a hint of a smile and said, "Yeah, we get that a lot."

The Apricot Pinwheel at Some Crust Bakery near Clairemont College in Pomona.

I've said it before and will say it again. I would like to fuck the shit out of this pastry. Crowded House is playing in Pomona next week. Who needs Durand-Durand and his excessive machine? Not me. Apparently, I'll always have Pomona.

Tagliata with Arugula at Piccolo

The name is apropos. There are only 10 tables in this restaurant, max. I have never had any other entree. I am stuck on this one.

The grilled salmon caesar salad at Newsroom

The problem with obtaining this item is that Newsroom Cafe is located on Robertson Boulevard just across from the Ivy and down the street from Kitson. Which means that you are taking your life into your hands by patronizing the restaurant, since Lindsey Lohan and others of her ilk could "bang a fuckin' U-ee" at any moment.

The Carol C. at Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles

Succulent chicken breast with a waffle. Faster than Fast Food if you do take out. Eat in with mac & yak plus lemonade, bien sur.

"Lupe" Roll at California Roll and Sushi Factory

Avocado roll topped with warm crabmeat, sauteed baby scallops, smelt eggs and eel sauce. It's messy and wonderful. Get your own, I can eat this whole thing. And I will stab your hand with my chopsticks if you try and yoink a baby scallop from me. NO JOKE. GET YOUR OWN.

Does anyone else do this?

I go on food jags, where I literally eat the same thing every day. Sometimes more than once a day.

The jags have tiny story arcs within themselves, where I change up the ingredients a bit, due to availablity, and of course, all of the jags over time have a larger story arc that ties them all together.

In this case the overall story arc of my eating has been about baby spinach. I can't get enough of it.

In the past 2 months I have gone on two of these jags. They are as follows:

THE BABY SPINACH SALAD

This salad is made up of Baby Spinach (as I bet you already guessed by the title, clever, clever reader), gorgonzola cheese, sliced green apples (with lemon juice if I am packing the salad to go and I don't want the apples to brown), candied pecans and grilled chicken.

The variations? any kind of blue cheese is fine. Sometimes I put in candied walnuts instead of pecans, and if there are nice anjou pears at the grocery store or farmer's market, then those'll do.

THE QUESADILLA

A multi-grain tortilla with shredded mexican blend cheese, black beans and of course, the ever present louisiana hot sauce.

That's really just the foundation of the meal. Most of the ingredients I make ahead of time to have on hand. You've got to be prepared for a jag.

The black beans I cook on Sunday using the magic spice packets from Goya that my mother taught me about long, long ago. Goya is more of an east coast brand, but I finally found a store that sells them here. No more begging NY friends to send them to me! When I am making the beans, I also make a filling where I sautee red onions and add frozen shrimp, and another magic Goya spice packet. Last week I had Portobello mushrooms, and so I used those instead of shrimp for the filling.

If I have a pork loin in the freezer, I will slow cook it until the meat just falls apart, and keep the pulled pork on hand to add as well.

After I put all of the ingredients on the tortilla, I keep it spinning on the pan so it doesn't burn, and top everything off with leaves of baby spinach. They serve as a lid, keeping the heat in, and when I finally fold the tortilla in two, add a crunch to the whole thing.

Then of course, sour cream. Last week I accidently bought low fat instead of regular. Ew. I'll suffer through, don't worry about me. If I don't have sour cream, I add goat cheese.

God, now I'm hungry. What should I have for lunch... AHAHAHAHAAHAHAA! So funny, me.

Here's some food for thought
Stories about all we eat
Are fascinating